Wednesday, 21 December 2011

I am mad at myself..

I am mad at myself..
I am mad at myself of not being the best in everything..
That i have to rely on somebody to be good in anything..
That i have to put myself away..just for being someone i’m not use to be.

I am mad at myself..
Of not giving full attention in the lecture..
Of not understand what i have learned..
That i am doing badly in my tutorials..
Yes, i am mad at myself..

I am mad at myself..
When people loss respect on me..
When people start ignoring me..
When i explained, they barely able to understand me..
That just made me a bad techer..a weak student-inside me..

I mad at myself..
That sometimes i regret of the offer to Russia..
And keep saying- that is the past. Forget it!
And I just need to move on by saying, this is where the reality is..
Which being a doctor is not a guarantee..
Oh...i am i  dilemma for things that i decided by my own feelings.

I mad of myself..
Of why i am keeping writing this and not study...
How ungrateful i am! For the all things He gave to me..
All these unease feeling, only His word could comfort me..
“Ya Allah, do give me strength to face and through all this..with succeed”

*result of being mad...

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