budak pandai selalu perfectionist..!

post hari ni confirm bukan post yang emo2 mahupun jiwang2 tak tentu pasal..

tapi, ni lah kenyataan!

budak-budak pandai di sekeliling aku semuanya suka benda2 yang PERFECT!

everything...

tutorial HARUS 10/10

report HARUS 10/10

experiment HARUS dapat graf yang paling cantik..

percentage error HARUS 0.01%

ambik bacaan HARUS yang paling tepat.

garisan antara dua titik HARUS paling tepat..kalu tidak,

PADAM, PADAM & PADAM!

ambil bacaan sekali lagi..

walau masa untuk buat experiment tinggal 1/2 jam lagi...

fuh!!!

letih juga pada mulanya untuk aku terima + berhadapan dengan semua ni..

tambah-tambah lagi, setiap minggu ada 3 experiment...

BUT!

i've never fed up with this bunch of people..

they thought me how to be perfect..how to be the best.

yup, it's competitive, but through this I will able to discover my capability..

(sound very inspirational, huh?)

so, 

don't blame them..

because the are BUDAK PANDAI..

and YES, they are always PERFECTIONIST!

 

i'm totally out of mood!

this couple of weeks maybe is a heaven for certain people..but mine, like hell!
yelah, 2 minggu berturut-turut cuti hari isnin..
dua-dua minggu juga balik...fine.
totally not jealous of them..!
but my case is different..
feel  like very exhausted this week..although baru start kuliah tadi.!
i know, this time my post mostly depressing punya cerita..
(bcoz sblom ni sgt bermotivasi, kn?)
 i just feel frustrated..of not spending enough time with my family last week..
nak balik pon, nasib tak tertinggal train gara2 rushing tak tentu pasal..!

i will get easily sad when my family is unhappy..
*rasa nak nangis suda!
and luckily, blog ni da tak dikunjungi sesiapa..bagus!
another reasons nak tulis apa2 di blog yang berhabukk..
dan mungkin juga sebab hormon yg tak stabil, rasa emo tak kenal tempat dan masa..
rasa down sgt...may i need anybody's shoulder to cry on?
(blah la Fatin)!

enough!!! esok ada test Biology...

"all is fine..# 3Idiots"

I am mad at myself..

I am mad at myself..

I am mad at myself of not being the best in everything..

That i have to rely on somebody to be good in anything..

That i have to put myself away..just for being someone i’m not use to be.

I am mad at myself..

Of not giving full attention in the lecture..

Of not understand what i have learned..

That i am doing badly in my tutorials..

Yes, i am mad at myself..

I am mad at myself..

When people loss respect on me..

When people start ignoring me..

When i explained, they barely able to understand me..

That just made me a bad techer..a weak student-inside me..

I mad at myself..

That sometimes i regret of the offer to Russia..

And keep saying- that is the past. Forget it!

And I just need to move on by saying, this is where the reality is..

Which being a doctor is not a guarantee..

Oh...i am i  dilemma for things that i decided by my own feelings.

I mad of myself..

Of why i am keeping writing this and not study...

Shit!

How ungrateful i am! For the all things He gave to me..

All these unease feeling, only His word could comfort me..

“Ya Allah, do give me strength to face and through all this..with succeed”

*result of being mad...

it's been a while...

it's been a while,
for me of not updating this blog...
and to be exact, i've been here for almost a half year.
i gain many new things..
new friends, new lesson, new experience, and not to say new shoes and cloths (i recently shopped..)
but a NO, NO of new boyfriend..i mean, the special one..

it's been a while,
for me not to back home..
i miss them so much that i couldn't describe it..
but, it's for my own benefit..to achieve what i want in the future..

it's been a while,
for me to teach myself that 'sometimes you have to surrender for others for both goodness'
yes, i learn that a lot here..

this is quite boring..i know it. because.. i't's been a while!
*blame me.....................................................................

Oh Malaysia!!!

as a Malaysian..

i've always been proud and grateful to live in such a peaceful country..

we are multi-racial- Malay, Chinese, Indian, Sikh and more..

i used to have them as my bestfriends..

Sukhdip, Haashini, Mui Kwan, Vaneesa, Nadia..

and we talk in the same language- Bahasa Malaysia!..

well, Malaysia had a lot to talk too!

too mannnyyyy...

besides, i don't even need to go abroad for vacation or anything else..

as Malaysia have it too!

we produce our own strawberries even though Malaysia is located on the equator..

we have sandy beaches..as i love Langkawi Island!!! 

i always thought our family vacation last year was somewhere out of Malaysia..

the scene was completely different from the ordinary. i felt like i was in Bali or Phuket..

(although, never been there..)

        

yup,

and in the cable car was the best!

met the Egypt couple..we were in the same cable car.

and if you think when you don't want to go abroad 

because you are goin' to see the 'hugging' and 'kissing' scene in the public..

NO..M'sia also got!

don't need to spend thousands to go abroad to watch such scene..

you can watch it FREE!!
(tak tau samada nk bngga atau x..)

i'm not being porno or whatever in this Ramadhan month,

but i'm sad..angry.. and frustrated!!

in such a beautiful month, there is still a lot of maksiat out there...

yes, setan are gone but 'nafsu' is still there...

aaarrrrggghh!!!

that couple is Malay plak tu! 

couples yg holding hands don't say lar...berlambak!!

pkai tudung jer lebih....tapi, batas tak tau!

mostly girl yg mcm ni pkai tudung semata-mata ikut trend..

style lar konon..

konon alim! tapi, short sleeves..

siap ber'legging'!

benci betol aku dgn org2 mcm ni....

da lar, kurang plak pahala puasa aku!!...

*SALAM RAMADHAN!!!

and finally...

yup.. finally, Mid-sem test is ovveerrrrrrr!!!

(i know, it just a 'mid-sem'..not 'final-sem' yet. but, hey! at least, i can know how is my performance within this two months here.)

suddenly, i want to write this in English..why?? because i'm in R3 group..and not N1/N2/N3 groups yer!

most of the students in that group are communicating in fully English..not "Melayu-English=Manglish'..and they are said to be elit students..(i guess so..)

off course, sometimes i feel ashamed or the best word is 'looked down' by this bunch of groups..

as they have more tutorials than us..

the most importantly is, their tutors are among the lecturers!

can you see the 'benefits' of being members of that group..

ok, back to the point! 

mid sem is over..

overall, i quite satisfy with performance except for Chemistry and Algebra...

(although, things already happen...)

but, i'm sure i could do better if i did a lot of exercises..like Biology and Physics.

just wait and see lar the results.!.

either cry of happiness or vice versa..

huhuhu...

motivated v.s give up...

.....being here it's like a mad person......

sekejap happy..

sekejap lagi depressed..

---*---

ada hari, excited-

rasa nak lompat n menari 'xi shua shua' jer..

ada hari lain, frustrated-

rasa nak terjun dari balkoni kolej pun ade..

---*---

ble tutorial siap-

hati berbunga-bunga, rasa dunia ni ana yang punya..

tapi ble tutorial x siap,

mula lar stay up..smpai bengkak-bengkak mata..

---*---

hari yang depressed adalah
.....

bila orang lain faham apa yang lecturer ajar di bilik kuliah,

 tapi aku masih merangkak-rangkak menangkap apa yang diajar..

bila orang lain dapat markah full mark untuk tutorial,

tapi aku kurang drpd diorang..

bila orang lain santai sakan jer pagi petang tp siap jer tutorial.

tapi aku pagi petang study..tak siap2 jgak tutorialnye..

bila orang lain dpt jumpe lecturer, tanya itu ini..

aku nk tanya jgak..tapi, nak tanya ape??

ada hari, memang rasa nak GIVE UP jer-nak balik rumah, nak sekolah balik, nak kawan2 lama, nak cikgu dulu yang ajar..

sebab kat sini rasa tak dihargai, tak dikenali..

pelajaran susah la, lecturer ajar laju la..

tapi, tu semua alasan jer..alasan tak nak berusaha.

alasan..

bila tak tau matlamat sebanar dtg sini..

bila tak kenang jasa mak ayah..

bila tak ingat pengorbanan blaja penat2 kat sekolah sebab stu jer- 

NAK MASUK 'U'...

(bila da masuk sini, senang2 jer nak give up?

gedik lar!)

*bila manusia depressed, barulah dia teringat Allah..(dan aku pun mcm tu)

maka, aku pun start baca Yassin..

masha-Allah..hati rasa tenang gler n bersemangat..

so, moral of the story..jgn give up cpt sgt..sebab segala benda ada permulaan dan pengakhiran..

bukan setiap hari 'mendung'..dan bukan setiap hari 'terang'..

nak 'mendung' or 'terang' tu,,kita yang tentukan..

ANTARA NAK..ATAU TAK NAK JER...